Next season on The Supreme Court

Earlier this week, the Supreme Court ruled that the United States does, in fact, have to follow its own laws in Hamdan v. Rumsfeld, by rejecting the Bush Administration’s plan to try Guantanamo detainees by military tribunal. This was a close one, as it would have been a 5-4 ruling if Chief Justice Roberts, who had previously ruled for the administration in his old job, had participated. Given this stunningly close victory for the human rights of detainees, what other unexpected Supreme Court decisions are around the corner? Here’s a preview:

Dean v. Rumsfeld:
The court decides, 5-4, that it is unconstitutional to classify Democrats as “enemy combatants”, and to detain them through the 2006 elections for the purpose of “protecting our freedom from the terrorists.”

League of United Latin American Citizens et al. v. Perry, Governor of Texas et al., part II:
The court decides, 5-4, that the new round of redistricting in Texas, which creates one democratic district and thirty-two Republican ones, is legal. Justice Scalia repeats his quote from the Texas Redistricting case of 2006, saying “Wow, that’s a surprise” and "Legislators redraw the map all the time for political purposes."

Bush v. Parker Brothers, Inc.:
The court upholds a lower court ruling that Bush’s executive authority does not extend to board games, inlcuding Monopoly. The President, upon being forced not to pass go, or to collect $200 dollars on his way to jail, throws a tantrum and quits the game.

Brown v. Board of Education:
A clerical error leads to this case ending up on the docket. Upon insistence by Alito and Thomas, the court rejects stare decisis and considers the merits of “separate but equal” school systems. Brown vs. Board of Education passes once again, by a vote of 7-3. Thomas writes the minority opinion, and votes twice.