things to do: new orleans

I’m flying to New Orleans for work. It will be my first time there. My complimentary Airplane Magazine tells me I should go to Mid City Lanes Rock and Bowl. Wow. “Rock and Bowl” sounds like “Kill me now please” when I say it in my head.

Things to do instead:.
1. Have a layover in Atlanta. Stop at the Popeye’s Fried Chicken and Biscuit Restaurant.
2. Walk around some.
3. Have dinner with people you have to be nice to for professional reasons, when what you really want to do is go from person to person, providing brief summaries. Example: “pompous and bossy”
Next
“Repetitive but charming”
Next
“Self-important”
pause, don’t go on yet
“also, you wast my time”
Next
“33 year old virgin” (really)
Next
“I like you, baldy”
Next
“Sycophant, and you still travel with your teddy bear from when you were a little girl. Really?”

4. Cringe at dinner when your co-worker asks for the Famous Chef’s autograph at dinner. Refrain from lecturing the table on how you find it undignified, fawning, and pathetic. Do the same the next night when a different person waits for the autograph of the very unfamous Jazz Drummer with a much more famous brother.
5. Treadmill.
6. Eat some kind of dried food that you can’t pronounce. Find some fried pickles after that.
7. Go home.