Things to do in the Albany area, during State of Emergency-style flooding.

1. Sit in your car, stuck in interminable traffic.
2. Listen to music, drum on steering wheel. If you want to do some good traffic-rocking, I recommend the Black Keys. Once you’ve noticed the tiny amount of gas you have, turn the car off and worry about running out. You can still hum if you’d like.
3. Sweat. Think about air conditioning.
4. Watch news helicopters overhead. Daydream about having your picture taken. Decide that you’d have a better chance if you were shirtless and sunburned and stranded on a rooftop, instead of shirted and stranded in traffic. Think about whether you should take your shirt off.
5. Look at sunken, stranded cars. Wonder how the upholstery will smell when they dry out.
6. Stare at the caramel-brown water in the river. Decide that you’d like to see a floating cow, like in that movie.
7. Conserve your drinking water.
8. Fish for trash.
9. Ford the river that now runs across I-90. Think about how this must have been the best part of being a pioneer. This, and cholera. After you make it across, realize that you would have made a kick-ass pioneer.