Skymall shopping: the tracking key

When I'm flying, after my computer dies and before I've resorted to iPod listening and bleary eyed staring, I like to shop the complimentary Skymall magazine. I picked my favorite product:

Hi, it's the tracking key, a pocket sized, GPS powered spying device that records its every movement and asks the important questions:

Is my teenager speeding?
Where is my spouse going?
Where are my employees going?

And then maybe

Is my divorce lawyer fooling around during billable hours?
What do my kids do with my ex-wife?
Does their new dad take them to cooler places than I do?
Where is the best place to ambush them and kidnap my kids back?

Because if your family doesn't already hate you for your micromanaging big brother bullshit, I'm sure they will now. This stuff is only cool on the Wire.

Also, if you like the tracking key, the Skymall magazine suggests you buy some baroque style leaf prints. To assuage your crushing loneliness.