Chipmunk Fucker

Joseph called me “chipmunk fucker” all day. I’m tired of it. It’s not like I actually fucked a chipmunk, or like it’s actually possible - though Karl did tell this one joke. I think it went,
Q: Why should you wrap a chipmunk in duct tape?
A: So it doesn’t explode when you fuck it.

Anyway, I didn’t fuck a chipmunk. I swear. I didn’t kiss, fondle, touch, or even gaze adoringly at a chipmunk. What happened was, we had been hiking all morning, right? We found a tiny piece of shade around two, and since we were hot and a little bit tired from all the socializing we’ve been doing lately, we lay down in that shade and took a nap. It was a good nap.

While Karl and I were sleeping, Joseph watched this chipmunk messing with my bag. Any good friend would have scared it off immediately, but Joseph just watched as the little guy crawled up inside my bag. Apparently, the chipmunk was feeling the heat,too, because when it found my Camelbak, it went to town. So, in case you don’t know, Camelbacks are like big bags of water you wear in your backpack, and there’s a long tube coming out of it that you can drink from like a straw as you hike, and the end of the tube has a bite valve on it. So, the chipmunk finds the bite valve, and he begins to chew and bite on it, and apparently Joseph’s still sitting there laughing as it bites and the valve is opening up and the chipmunk is drinking away and I’m snoring a little bit. I woke up soon after the chipmunk was done and gone. Since I had just woken up from a hot nap, I took a drink from my Camelbak. It didn’t taste funny or anything, but the smooth rubber of the straw seemed really rough. I kept drinking anyway, figuring maybe Karl had bit on it when he was drinking, but not wanting to accuse him of anything. As soon as I was done, Joseph starts laughing and pointing at me. “You just made out with a chipmunk. Hey, Karl, this guy’s a chipmunk fucker!” He told the story, and since then, it’s been chipmunk fucker chipmunk fucker chipmunk fucker. I thik it's hurting my self-esteem