you should. . . take the George Washington Memorial Parkway

At two on a Monday morning, the Parkway is desolate. Since no lamps show you the tree-lined roadway, speed will be scary. But it’s late, and you’re tired, and the fact that all you can see is trees makes you feel as if you’re in the wilderness. You play Rod Stewart to ameliorate the loneliness. Use both lanes. Really, the white lines are only important if other cars are on the road. When you pass Geogetown, you’ll remember you are not, in fact, in the wilderness. Get back in your lane, and try not to swerve as you try to glimpse the smart-looking buildings through the flicker-shutter of trees. The buildings look so bright.

You’re thinking about camping when the cop begins to follow you. You’re thinking about how, if these were real woods, and you had a tent, you would pull over your rented minivan and set up a cozy little campsite. The sirens remind you that you’re in D.C., and as the policeman reminds you that 20 miles over the speed limit is reckless driving in Virginia, try to look him in the eye. The Washington Monument is sticking out of the top of his head like a unicorn horn, and you find it quite distracting.