airport

I am in an airport right now, which is the place where I feel most superior to the rest of humanity. I especially feel this way during holiday travel, when all of the people who don't really understand how to use an airport come out of the woodwork. I feel so superior, that I'd like to wear a t-shirt that just says "AWESOME" across the chest. Or, if I could borrow from a friend of mine, I'd have a t-shirt that says "ME" in giant letters on the front, with "you" in tiny letters right next to hit.

Some lady just walked by me, and she seemed extremely agitated that I could be using the plug I am using. I gave her a look that said, "You can keep walking your lazy ass down to the next outlet." I hope she understood my eyes.

i am fashion

Hey, wait until you see my Spring line! I am ready for my genius now, and with it I will make fashion history. What I want is a suit, you know, tie, blazer, slacks, white shit. Except, all of it will be belly-shirted. Not West Virginia belly-shirted with raggedy cotton pieces dangling from my navel. No, my belly suit will be tailored to end right below the ribs. Shirt, vest, jacket will all be perfectly tailored to expose my hirsute belly. The pants will be full length - this is dinner attire we're talking about.

I call it "Desert Formal." And when I say I want this suit, i mean I already have it.

Jealous?

you should . . .buy a long-sleeved black t-shirt

Long –sleeved black t-shirts are always useful. Let’s say you have to go hang out with some Eurotrash, or some bohemians, or you are having a Sprockets theme party, your long-sleeved black t-shirt will serve you well. Since it’s black, you can wear it to somewhat formal events. Since it’s long-sleeved, it will serve you well in a wide range of temperatures. Since it’s a t-shirt, you can play Frisbee in it. And, since it’s just a long sleeved black t-shirt, and not a long-sleeved black turtleneck, your frat boy friends might let you get away with it as well. Just be sure you don’t have dandruff. That shit will show up like the stars in a new moon sky if you’re not careful.
Be proud, fashion man. You now own one of the most versatile pieces of clothing out there.