Next season on The Supreme Court

Earlier this week, the Supreme Court ruled that the United States does, in fact, have to follow its own laws in Hamdan v. Rumsfeld, by rejecting the Bush Administration’s plan to try Guantanamo detainees by military tribunal. This was a close one, as it would have been a 5-4 ruling if Chief Justice Roberts, who had previously ruled for the administration in his old job, had participated. Given this stunningly close victory for the human rights of detainees, what other unexpected Supreme Court decisions are around the corner? Here’s a preview:

Dean v. Rumsfeld:
The court decides, 5-4, that it is unconstitutional to classify Democrats as “enemy combatants”, and to detain them through the 2006 elections for the purpose of “protecting our freedom from the terrorists.”

League of United Latin American Citizens et al. v. Perry, Governor of Texas et al., part II:
The court decides, 5-4, that the new round of redistricting in Texas, which creates one democratic district and thirty-two Republican ones, is legal. Justice Scalia repeats his quote from the Texas Redistricting case of 2006, saying “Wow, that’s a surprise” and "Legislators redraw the map all the time for political purposes."

Bush v. Parker Brothers, Inc.:
The court upholds a lower court ruling that Bush’s executive authority does not extend to board games, inlcuding Monopoly. The President, upon being forced not to pass go, or to collect $200 dollars on his way to jail, throws a tantrum and quits the game.

Brown v. Board of Education:
A clerical error leads to this case ending up on the docket. Upon insistence by Alito and Thomas, the court rejects stare decisis and considers the merits of “separate but equal” school systems. Brown vs. Board of Education passes once again, by a vote of 7-3. Thomas writes the minority opinion, and votes twice.

fan mail

Ohhh, I've got a fan! I'm all squirmy and sweaty!

"Very clever posting about "Tess". I'm presuming (and hoping) you were talking about a stolen bike from your porch. Well written if that was the case. If not, well, then you probably shouldn't leave women waiting for you on your porch for very long. Good luck finding Tess!"

Things To Do in Albany, 11pm-7am.

Reviews and photos of Albany attractions posted by a real traveller who knows nothing about the city!! The best tips for Albany timewasting!

1. Lines. These are great for waiting in!
2. Go to bars alone. Don't forget to stare at younger girls, and remember to act like you're "with it".
3. Be an epicurean adventurer. Go for late night pizza. Here's a fun thing to try! Mistake the garlic salt for parmesan cheese, you'll rue the resultant garlic breath.
4. The sweating is top-notch this time of year.
5. Walk around downtown late at night. Try to figure out whether the fact that locals consider muscle shirts as acceptable "going out" clothes is horrifying or refreshing. Avoid eye contact with anyone wearing muscle shirts, due to you lack of a posse . . . you can do this for hours.
6. Drive to a state park at two in the morning (15 miles). When the site manager is still awake watching soccer and tells you to leave, drive back to the city without putting up a fight. Look out for deer!
6. Sleep in the trunk of the car at a rest area. Don't forget to keep sweating. You'll wonder why you smell like pee. And garlic.
7. Wake up dehydrated. Remember that you're not supposed to lock dogs in the car on hot days, and decide it's probably not great for people either.
8. Drive around some more. For additional fun, listen to the NPR weather man. He;s got an amazing rapid-fire delivery, and more statistics at his fingertips than an autistic baseball fan! Fun!
9. For a real Albany experience, try Starbucks. You'll be comfortable there. I recommend the coffee.

Craigslist ad for a stolen bicycle

Tess, I need you back - 26

---

Reply to: pers-173694527@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-06-20, 6:06PM PDT


Dear Tess,
The last time I saw you, you were on my porch. I thought you’d be there when I returned. Now, I feel like you’ve been stolen from me. I know I was gone a while, and I know I should have called to check up on you, and shouldn’t have taken you for granted, but when I was on my way home, the only thing I wanted was to lube you up and put you between my legs. I wanted to get on you and ride all night. I know we’ve had our bumpy, rocky times, and the occasional breakdowns, but I remember the smooth times too, the summers when we coasted through beautiful day after beautiful day. Do you remember when I’d tease you, I’d pretend that your name was actually Tesh, and that you were related to John Tesh. We would giggle as I sang the “The Endless Road” or “Give Me Forever” while we rode down State Street. People gave us funny looks, but you weren’t embarrassed, because I loved you. I miss you, and I want you back. I know that whomever you’re with now couldn’t take care of you like I could. They’re not going to lovingly wipe you down with a warm cloth, or take you in the shower on muddy days, or clean the grease from beneath you’re teeth. Oh Tess, we could have had some great times this summer.