you should. . .tint your eyelashes

I have always had one blond eyelash and one dark one. Most people don't notice, which is probably a result of the usual eye contact either being too distant, or performed in that too close, focusing on one eye at a time sort of way. I find the contrast jarring, like it makes my face look extremely asymmetrical, cockeyed. No one else has ever complained.

Lynne and Shoshana went to the neighborhood beauty salon, near Inman square, and invited me to go with them for an eyelash tinting. I decided that, despite my qualms about losing the last shreds of my masculinity (I am not metrosexual, pretty boy, glam, goth, or emo enough to have much experience with grooming beyond shaving, shampooing, and a little plucking), I came along, burgeoned by my two friends, held up like a shaky arch between two stout Doric columns. They continually assured me that I’d survive this exploration, this Heart of Darkness –style expedition into beauty territory, with my manhood intact.

It burned a little when it happened, like there was something on top of my eye that I definitely did not want inside my eye. And now I look like a dude with mascara on. My friend Jack said I look like a chick. Super.

priorities

Neither Lynne nor I are talented at the waking up part of the day. Since we both have jobs that enable us to slink in late if need be, we often abuse this privilege. Sometimes one of us gets to feeling guilty about our sloth, and we make a pact to meet for coffee at 8 A.M. (I know, ungodly), We both feel that if the other is actually depending on us for company, it will be easier to get out of bed. Today, I did feel the guilt. I was in bed at 7:52 and everything hurt so badly, I just wanted to close my eyes and let my hair waft in the smooth breeze from my fan. Instead, I got up, threw some clothes on, and went to the 1369 coffee shop, where I chugged iced coffee with Lynne and gossiped desultorily about our recently broken-up friend Jabber.

Then I went home and went back to bed. Apparently, I value Lynne’s friendship more than my workplace responsibilities.