camels

I read some history today, which was new for me.

It was about the First Ride of the British Camel Regiment

First, Camel Regiment! I might even join the army if I could be in a camel regiment. That's some Lawrence of Arabia shit.

Second,

The decision to send Gordon cost the British Government dearly. A hero from his days fighting in the Taiping rebellion, "Chinese" Gordon, was a popular figure and a there was a huge outcry came from the British public to send an expedition to his aid. Soon, the British government gave in and tasked General Lord Wolseley to mount the expedition it had tried so hard to avoid.

Ok, I wish it were still acceptable to have nicknames like "Chinese".
I'd go for "Pakistani" Parcells. Because of my ideas for America East. Or "Irish Parcells" because of my love for potato products.

I can predict the New York Times

America East is catching on. One day after I decided America East was the greatest idea since America I, the New York times did, too!

They said that "we need to think" about "military options" so that we can help "stabilize" Pakistan. I read that as taking the country over so we can build our Asian paradise. First we'll go get their nukes, and then we will let them have Bee Movie, and then we will wallow in pit full of Pakistani happiness and American Dreams.

America East

I've been reading up on Pakistan, and I like what I see. First, this New York Times article says, "U.S. Secretly Aids Pakistan in Guarding Nuclear Arms" Great. That makes them partly ours, I guess.

A lot of people, including this guy and this guy and several others, seem to think we need a strong Pakistan. Me, I'm rooting for that shit to go down the tubes. That's the only way Pakistan will become available for American intervention. Unlike Iraq, they actually have WMDs that we'll have to safeguard when the country goes to shit. I want lawyers fighting Army mans and Bhutto fighting Musharraf, and Musharraf bodybuilding against any comers and Pashtuns fighting someone.

Then, we can intervene, like we like to do. And that, when linked to Afghanistan, when linked to our coming war in Iran, when linked to Iraq, will set the stage for the eventual foundation of America East.

When America East is born, it will have almost 300 million people (just like us!) and will be almost as big as India. We're always worried about the up and coming Asian powers and the stability of the region and not having jet lag for the Beijing Olympics, and America East will solve all of these programs. How much better will the outsourcing situation be when we can outsource to ourselves?

Also, oil and heroin and really good wool, all ours for the taking.
once the wars are all good and done:
Step 1: Get them to stop hating us.
Step 2: Send them KFC. (which would actually probably help with step 1)
Step 3: Elect U.S. President Junior, caliph of America East.
Step 4: Bask

sports skillz

The "Comment"section of Nov. 19s New Yorker is about Musharraf blah blah Benazir Bhutto Army Pashtun yawn.

It also has this quote, from Musharraf's book, which is also a Clint Eastwood movie or some shit, In the Line of Fire

I was fourth in cross-country, was the top gymnast, and was third in the "Mr FC College" bodybuilding competition. . .Muhammad Iqbal Butt, who had competed creditably in the Mr. Universe competition, told me at the time that I had a most muscular physique.

1. Gay. These are all sports for gays.
2. This should be the modern triathlon. I want to see General Sports Pervez Prefontaine Lou Retton Schwarzenegger step out of his track shoes, pommel horse his way across the floor program trampoline ring toss, and finish it off with some squat thrusting. Beautiful. He will still have to wear the General's uniform.
3. President to President head to head? Bring it on!
4. Ego much?
5. Oh Noes!!! I am jealous of his skillz.